When You Enter Deeper Waters

"The first time I had a request to do something I didn't want to do and the word "no" popped out of my mouth, I thought lightening would strike me dead. It felt so weird to tell the truth in a direct way without modifiers." Mary Pipher, Women Rowing North

It shouldn't surprise me, because I have heard this sentence so many times. But it did surprise me because she is Mary Pipher, a famous clinical psychologist and author who has written extensively about the journey of growing up female.  Even Mary Pipher is just like the rest of us, still working on her boundaries because it truly is a life-long process.

In her book on women and aging, she shares the powerful experience of learning to say no in her seventies. Her book is about more than this one particular story. Women Rowing North is about the life stage of 60's and 70's.

This year I have noticed many changes as though I am entering a new life stage. Signs of it were everywhere. I found my priorities shifting to being more present for my friends and caring for them, spending more time with friends, traveling to see them. I spent more time caring for friends who were going through hard things and who were ill or injured. Then suddenly, I found myself needing the care and support when I fractured my hip and femur. The sort of injuries that often happen to older people.

I couldn't put on my shoes myself, or get in a shower, or put my pants on, drive a car, lift a plate, do my laundry. I was suddenly completely infirm and wondered is this what it feels like when you are old and need help with everything? Is this what it feels like to be completely dependent for everything?

Though I am going to recover, I found myself reading about aging. I work with many clients who are in their 60's and 70's and I get to understand the life stage through their eyes. I see it as a life stage that has many changes, some with very sudden onset. Changes that we are not necessarily ready or prepared for. But it can be overwhelming as those changes multiply. I have learned from my clients how they find freedom and joys in this life stage along with acceptance and losses, on the physical, emotional, mental, spiritual level.

I found so much comfort reading Women Rowing North. Not comfort in the sense that aging is easy, but comfort in reading words that were truthful and reflective about this life stage. She shares strategies that have helped many women and these are strategies that need to be shared.

Aging is one of those things that is worth thinking about. Not everyone lives to be old. But as we age, everything changes. There is so much to prepare for and in our culture, we talk of retirement and money. But there is so much more to it. I feel like my injury has given me a preview of what it is like to be older. Just a taste. And I see how big it is. More to come on this. 

I recommend this book. If you are in this life stage, her words will feel like a companion as you navigate this stage. If you are just on the cusp of this life stage, it will give you some things to think about as you enter these deeper waters.