Posts

2 Steps to Help with Trauma and Boundary Recovery

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What are boundaries? Your Yes and No. Inside of you, you have a compass for your yes and no. During a traumatic event, or if you experienced trauma as a child, you may have lost your connection to your compass/your boundaries/ your yes and no. Think of the compass, boundaries, your yes and no as the same thing.
Your boundaries are trying to take care of you, and if you couldn’t protect yourself during the trauma, you may have lost trust in your boundaries.
Trust is the key to listen to your yes and no. You can't listen to your inner compass if you aren't sure and don't really trust yourself.
Restoring your connection to your yes and no (your boundaries), is an important part of the healing process.
One way to restore this connection is to start noticing the little voice of resistance you hear sometimes. This little voice of resistance may say, “I don’t want to go to work today.” “I can’t cook dinner tonight.” “I wish I could leave this relationship.”
It is the little voice you …

How I Eliminated Death by Email

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Eight years ago, a strong group of leaders who served as my board of directors taught me a powerful lesson that I continue to use every single day in all of my online email. Though I am now running my own private company, this lesson continues to be relevant. Today I work with organizations and teams on reducing their overwhelm and developing boundaries. One of places organizations can find immediate relief is streamlining and reducing email.
Eight years ago I was using email as a way to stay connected and in touch with my board.  I was
keeping them informed, but my emails were long, covered lots of details, and meandered down rabbit holes.
My board did an intervention. They sent one very experienced leader to represent them. She said I was killing them by email. She explained my emails were like Easter egg hunts. They felt compelled to read my emails and it was hard to find the nuggets they needed buried in all the stories and hard to figure out what they needed to do or put on the…

So You Want to Talk about Race- GREAT READ

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Who else has been reading, "So You Want to Talk About Race" by Ijeoma Oluo?
Here is a great boundary lesson from her in her book on page 48.
 "Do not force people of color into discussions of race. People of color live with racism each and every day with no say over when and how it impacts their lives. It is painful and exhausting. When people of color have the rare luxury to choose to not engage in additional dialogue about race, do not deny them that. Even if this discussion is really important to you, you never have a right to demand it. There will be other opportunities." 

Her words came as powerful teaching to me at just the right time.
I had attended an event, met a total stranger who was crying in the bathroom after she revealed a very painful experience of racism in an auditorium. I asked if she wanted to talk and she did not. As I got to connect with her more later, I wanted to ask her about the experience. I thought about her for days after the eve…

Ways to Care for Caregivers & Caretakers

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Love Note to Caregivers and Caretakers....

How to Begin Sticking Up for Yourself

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If you haven't been sticking up for yourself, it can be daunting to figure out how to turn things around. You may feel hurt by other people, frequently. You may even be thinking this is somehow your fault. You may wonder why are people stepping all over you?
Is it time for you to get on your own team? Are you needing some boundaries? Boundaries can feel really hard to establish if you don’t practice using them. Sometimes you rob yourself and won’t allow yourself to stand up for yourself when you need to. We all know that wrenching feeling in our gut when we are not standing up for ourselves.
What are boundary violations? When you are being treated badly, with rude behavior, you notice. You are not being overly sensitive. In fact, when your feelings are mocked, or discounted that way, it is a boundary violation. Maybe you are being stepped on by someone who bullies you. Maybe you feel stepped on by someone who tells you what you “should” feel, rather than listening to how you actual…

Boundaries and Messy Situations

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Are you Adopting a Rescue-Dog?

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There are some boundaries you may want to carefully consider before you adopt. We adopted CocoRoo two weeks ago. I had never adopted a dog, all of my dogs were raised from pups, including my Chihuahuathat I have now- Romeo. I adopted an older dog because Romeo doesn’t really like active young dogs. He likes older sickly dogs. So I knew he’d like CocoRoo.
She being a rescue was not the raised the way I raised Romeo. You can watch an older dog and see what they are familiar with and what they have been exposed to. CocoRoo doesn’t sniff anything on our walks and jumps at every sound. I found giving her short run helps her settle down for walking. She is learning about walks outside in new places, not barking at everyone and every dog.
She has not been reliably fed. She was brought to the shelter emaciated and very sick. So we feed her on a schedule that she can count on. She is learning not to dive into Romeo’s bowl when he is eating. She was used to some kind of “group” feed where sh…