Here are some sample questions for reflecting on an interaction:
What else did I notice? What does my gut tell me, my feelings, my intuition?
Was there something I think we should come back to?
Do I wish I handled something differently?
Did I seem emotional or reactive to something? What is that?
What did I learn about the other person?
Is there more I want to know about them?
Is a boundary needed here?
My questions are just some questions to get you started. You can ask yourself your own questions when you reflect.
You can also reflect with other people by debriefing. You can do this with someone one on one or you can do it in a group.
In business, a group can reflect together on questions:
What did we do well?
How could we improve?
What did we learn from the experience?
What can we predict about the future based on the experience?
What can’t we predict?
What will make us stronger?
While these questions may sound familiar, I have often seen in business that people do not go to the reflection table often enough. These questions have more value if they are examined often.
The LEAN manufacturing process uses, “The 5 Whys” as a reflection and awareness tool. This form of questioning forces people to get underneath issues and look deeper.
When you reflect with someone one on one, pick someone who will ask good questions.
I have certain people in my life who ask me good questions. I have lunch or coffee meetings with them when I feel stuck or if I feel I could use some insight in handling a situation. I often will ask them, “What would you do in this situation?” I have gained some useful awareness with this question.
To me, the heart of self-awareness is found in a lifelong process. It is about staying in a conversation with yourself and others. It involves asking questions to probe below the surface of things. You carve who you want to be out of your interactions, your challenges, and then push yourself to grow.
Back to our original question in the boundary workshop: He asked an essentialquestion.
You can’t really improve or know where your boundaries are without self-awareness. Boundaries come from the inside. Self- awareness comes from the inside. Asking yourself where you need a boundary is a self-awareness question.
If you want to become more self-aware, ask yourself specific questions as part of a daily process.
Decide what the important questions are for you.
Listen for your answers.
What you do with that awareness is the next step.