Boundaries and Messy Situations

The more you practice your boundary skills and grow your abilities, the better you will be at handling messy situations. I find myself able to deal with many situations because I am always on the look out for the potential mess. I notice a mess is starting right at the inception. With practice and paying attention, you can notice the sparks of these situations too.

Messy situations require the ability to anticipate and a willingness to address the boundaries.
Anticipating gets stronger as you notice the boundary abilities of people around you. If you practice paying attention, you can recognize a boundary crossing or violation as it is happening.
Boundary violations will break trust.

Broken trust, violating trust, is at the heart of every messy situation. Leaders who leave this unchecked or contribute to violating trust themselves, will find themselves in a situation that escalates. How many examples do you need? I bet you can think of a million examples.

Where does drama come from? When trust is being violated, it has a ripple effect across an organization, a team, a group of friends, a family. It starts to become a constant drama at work or at home. You either become part of the culture and break trust yourself, or you need to figure out how to navigate around the messy situation.

Two things can make a big difference. Restore boundaries around you by making your boundaries clear. Focus on the feelings in conversations, not judgment or talking about other people. Why is everyone taking it so personally? What feelings are stirred up for each person? You can only resolve messy situations when you understand the feelings and restore boundaries. Sign up for your free weekly boundary tips to help you remember to pay attention to your boundaries.

I am making it sound simple. It's not easy. Actually restoring your boundaries is difficult. If you find yourself dealing with messy situations at home or at work, you can learn more about how to restore your boundaries in the book, Transform Your Boundaries.